My Beautiful Cousin

-by Sarah Steelman

I can't tell you how many times I've sat down to post something... but it's just so hard. People say time eases pain. Some days, though, I wake up missing her 50 times more than I did the day before, and I just can't stand it. We all talk about how close we were to Amy, because we were. She truly loved with her whole heart and made sure we knew how valuable we were to her. If she was around when I was having a bad day it would become her mission to put a smile on my face - And she always did =) I was her "Puppa" and so very proud to be.

Amy and I shared something special. There was a tight bond I'm not sure I can even explain. We both see with our hearts, and that can be a beautiful quality in a person. Unfortunately, it's also a quality very easily taken advantage of. And when you put your heart out there, sometimes it gets broken. She wasn't very good at dealing with a broken heart; but the truth is that none of us are. Amy just wasn't as afraid as the rest us. She did all the things I only wished I had the guts to do, I think that's part of what I respected most about her - She really did shoot for the stars. The only time she wouldn't tell me something is if she thought I would be ashamed of her, or look up to her less. Can I just say, there is nothing in the world she could ever do to make me ashamed. I saw the same beautiful, "cool ", hilarious, smart girl every time she was near me. I am so proud of her.

I miss Amy so much; The smell of her hair, the way she would come up next to me and give me an "Amy hug", and of course tell me she loved me, and her contagious laughter. Or how she would stand in front of both the refrigerator and pantry for 5 minutes and end up with only a slice of cheese and a spoon - full of peanut butter. Until Amy, I had never lost anyone. So for her to be the first was the hard. Mourning her death was so painful and difficult for me, but remembering and celebrating her life is what keeps me going. Sometimes when I can't sleep at night I hear her voice...It's nice to still have her sing me to sleep :)

Thanks for always watching over me Amy, I know you still do. I love you!

- Puppa Dale

Sarah